“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hello again. It’s a Thursday afternoon and I am sitting in
the lobby of my serviced apartment. I am sitting on the blue
couch in the corner of the room. There are six Chinese workers all in their
20’s sitting here. I am not sure how the apartment complex can afford so many
workers at once, but here they are chatting and eating and smiling. They are
constantly checking their iphones, keeping an eye out for possible tenants. It
makes me happy to see their familiar faces, although I wonder how it would be
to stay here day in and day out. I do not envy them. I think I would go a
little crazy if I had to work six days a week in the same building where I
sleep. I feel a little stir crazy as it is today. I have recently been
hunkering down in the complex on my days off these past two weeks, hoping to
save some funds for future excursions.
My friend among the group is Lin, a 24 year old
Shanghainese man who speaks limited English but is always open to helping me. I
greatly appreciate his effort, though I am not sure how much he understands me.
He seems to be surprised by most of the things I say, even if I have told him
the information before. “Really!?,” he exclaims, eyebrows raised when I inform
him that I have one brother and he is 30 years old. (I have told Lin that I
have an older brother at least twice before, I even showed him a picture of my
nephew from my desktop.) You may think he’s being polite and feigning surprise
or I’m just missing the cultural sarcasm, but I know it is a genuine reaction.
Lin’s enthusiasm makes me happy. I now try to make an extra effort to see if he
understands what I am saying.
I have developed a new way of speaking English, a much more
articulately pronounced choice of words without idioms or bad jokes. Apparently
this is a challenge for me. (Thankfully, my eyebrows speak a universal
language-47 states and 19 countries and I cannot think of a place where I have
not made someone laugh with eyebrows.) The key to this type of “choice speaking”
is to make sure to choose your words wisely, this has nothing to do with an increase
in volume, but the pronunciation and pacing. I know that if someone spoke to me
loudly in Chinese, I would not understand any better, but would wonder if there
was something wrong that I should be aware of. This conscious effort to think
through every word choice is exhausting, especially when you have a group of
five nonnative English speakers at various fluency levels all trying to carry
one conversation. It reminds me of those middle school/early highschool days
when I used to think about everything I was going to say before I said it. I am
so thankful to have outgrown that phase of my life, but I think the experience
has helped me communicate here. I admit sometimes I run into Lin and go on a
tangent in English and he sits politely and listens, though I know he cannot
comprehend anything I am saying. He’s a good friend.
When I arrived 2 months ago, the apartment complex on this
side of the street had just opened. There has been a sense of buzzing in the
air that comes when a new place opens. The first month reminded me of a much
slower paced version of college move in week. Most of the people living here
are younger people, mostly Chinese with a good handful of foreigners. The sign
at the front of the building reads, “Youth Apartment.” Apparently this sign has nothing to do with the actual name of this apartment complex. In
Chinese, it has a completely different name that I am not aware of. Even more
confusing and problematic, recently, a friend’s friend went to register her
place of residence at the police station (common protocol for foreigners not
staying at a hotel) and the officer insisted that the address did not exist. I
am still not 100% sure of my address, although my coworker did write it down
for me. My family and friends cannot write the characters and I am not sure
that the necessary delivery people will know the Romanized alphabet called Pinyin.
It seems appropriate now to illustrate some of my confusion
with the terminology “Chinese language” and some of the accompanying
challenges. I use the term “Chinese” because it is generally accepted between
foreigners and locals to mean the language spoken in this area. I am not an
expert on the topic; in fact, I am a complete newbie. This explanation stems
from my perspectives through direct experience. I have heard that the
pictographs that make up the Chinese language are the same across the entire
country. There is some exception in that Cantonese has many more characters.
(Characters represent syllables and words are usually comprised of at least two
characters). Also, there is an older, more traditional form of the written
language that has been replaced by a more “simplified” modern version.
Regardless of the dialect, the characters are the same. In theory, this means
that anyone in China can understand anyone else through the written language.
The biggest challenge facing this idea is that there are many, many people who
do not know how to read or write the pictographs. The most commonly used
Chinese dialect is Mandarin. Within Mandarin, there is a lot of variation. I am
not sure of how these layers work. I do know that if the characters look the
same and have the same meaning, they can be pronounced completely different. My
coworker illustrated this by showing me the difference between Mandarin and
Shanghainese. It is safe to say that they did not resemble eachother at all.
Sometime in the 1950’s China started using a Romanized
alphabet system called Pinyin. This means that if you learn the phonics for
certain letter combinations, you can hypothetically pronounce words in
Mandarin. This is of course, if you know the pronunciation and you understand
how to use the four different tones. These tones include high, rising,
falling-rising, and falling...Oh yeah, there is also neutral. Each tone
changes the meaning of the word. For example, you can say “ma” with five
different tones and they have five different meanings.
I think one of the
biggest challenges for me is that there is no equivalent to the words “yes” and
“no.” You have to understand the sentence and repeat it in a way that shows an
affirmative. I am not sure what this affirmative variation is. I do know that
the word “bu” is added to the sentence to show the negative, but you can’t just
say “bu.” I think this is like saying
“not” instead of “no.” You can see my layers of confusion. I am happy to say
that now I can decipher sounds when I hear them and I can repeat these sounds.
It took me about 6 weeks to get to this point. I just need to start retaining
what I learn. I am a visual and kinesthetic learner so practicing the words
helps, but I need to see the pinyin spelling. I often think of how I teach
English phonics to the small children and how I better start studying the
Chinese ones. With over a billion people speaking Chinese (1 in 7 of the
world), I think Chinese would be a helpful language to learn.
You can see how my arrival in China could prove to be a bit intimidating
to say the least. On the day of my departure, I acted as though this trip was
another short trip and said good bye to my parents at security. Everything moved smoothly as I connected with my international flight, until I boarded the
plane. I managed to get stuck between a Chinese couple that appeared to be in
their 60’s. I was supposed to have the window seat, but I did not know how to
communicate with them. They smiled at me as I stood there, a bit flustered. How
could I go about this and remain respectful? Hmmm. I paused and then moved into
the middle seat. I set my backpack down. I paused. I started to cry. I mean, I
really started to cry. I had been so focused on setting everything up, even
staying up all night doing last minute tasks, that I had not given time to think about what
I was leaving behind at home. Something about not knowing how to communicate
and getting stuck in the middle of this Chinese couple for 17 hours pushed me
over the edge that I had done so well to stay away from. Sometimes no matter
how much we will ourselves to feel a certain way, or hide our emotions, they
betray us.
The couple stiffened, visibly strained, not knowing what to
do or how to react. People often do not know what to do when they see strangers
cry. Literally not knowing the other person’s language creates another element
to the not-knowing-what-to-do-kind-of-awkwardness that comes in these
situations. The woman pointed to the screen on the back of the chair in front
of her. I don’t know if she knew what she was pointing at, but she smiled at me
and pointed to what I thought at the moment was the word “family.” It was a
movie category for the free movies that the airline offered. I smiled at her
and nodded my head. At that moment a middle aged Chinese woman started yelling
at the couple and showed them her plane ticket. Sure enough, the couple were in
the wrong seats. They were supposed to be in the middle section of the plane! The
couple started to yell back in Chinese and had the stubborn disposition of
people who had made their minds up that they were not going to budge. My surprise from seeing
people yell in public shook me from my thoughts. I took it as my cue to get the
steward and explained that I needed help communicating to the couple that I had
the window seat. It worked like a charm, the middle aged couple moved and I sat
by the window.
As I settled into my window seat and took off into the air,
I started to realize the magnitude of what I was doing. I knew that transitions
were my worst times, were the times that I have the hardest time. I knew that I
was leaving everyone and everything I loved at home and that I was going to
have a challenging time doing any imaginable task because I did not understand
Chinese. I knew that I did not know anyone and that I had never worked with the
age range of my students I would have in China. I did not really know how to
cook more than a few things in the United States, so how was I going to cook in
China? How was I going to buy groceries? Where would I find groceries? How
would I get to the grocery store without getting lost? What would I find at the
grocery store? Come to think of it, what did I have at home? I had no job, no apartment,
no car, no huge savings, no major assets, or a boyfriend. I had a lot of student loan debt. More
importantly, I had an incredible support system of wonderful people. So, as I
started to feel a little panicked about all the things I would have to face, I
knew that I could not turn back except to hear excited encouragements to move
forward. I was told I was brave, daring, courageous, adventurous, and “had
balls,” but at lift off, I did not feel any of those things. There are times in
life we set in motion that peak like the crest of a giant wave, where there is
nothing we can do but plunge, catch the wave, and go along for the ride. I had
done everything in my power to create such a force, that all I could do then was
go with the flow, keep my head above water, and hope to find the thrill out of
the initial terror. My friends accuse me of secretly being an adrenaline junky.
Perhaps there is some truth to this.
I managed to watch several movies I had not cared to see but
did not find myself sleepy. Every time my row companions got up to use the
restroom, I got up too. It all seemed relatively uneventful. I helped the woman
go to the movie selection so she could find a movie. She smiled at me. Occasionally
she would reach across me and peer out the window. I was unfamiliar with the
closeness and lack of awareness for personal space. When the couple needed help
setting up their headphones, I did so happily. I thought about a young Chinese
woman helping a middle aged American couple. I found movies for them with
Chinese subtitles. They smiled, but I noticed how this seemed to make little
difference in their interaction or acknowledgement of understanding the movie.
Only now do I realize that they did not necessarily understand the Chinese
characters.
Again, this all seemed pretty uneventful. We had breakfast
and I took the eggs. They took the noodles. They got up to use the restroom. I
got up to use the restroom. I started talking to an English speaking man while
waiting in line. The woman from my row was in the restroom. The husband got up
and passed us in line. I did not mind. The husband started pounding on the bathroom
door. I continued speaking to the man behind me in line. “Watch out, that man is
urinating himself,” the man informed me. Sure enough, I looked over at the man
from my row and saw him standing at the bathroom door with a stream of urine
traveling across the carpet. I moved out
of the way. The older man walked down the length of the plane in the opposite
direction. The man I was speaking to went to get the steward. Ok, so was I
going to tell the steward that the man who urinated down the hallway was the
man from my row? Was the man going to feel humiliated because he had a medical
condition? Did he just urinate in the hallway because he didn't feel like
waiting and thought it would be ok? The steward was already walking down the
plane looking for the man. I waited for a bit and returned to me seat. The man
appeared seemingly unflustered and (just checking) with dry pants. Hmmm, no
smell of urine. So do I ask both of them to stand up while I track down the
steward and bring him over? The woman smiled at me and closed her eyes.
Decision made.
I decided to finally see what this “Frozen” hype was all
about and started the film. About half way in, the man got up and brought down
a leather handbag. The man and the woman started having a full out tug of war with
the bag and made frustrated angry sounds. I tried to protect myself from
getting elbowed in the face. Looked like no sleep for me on this ride. Ok, it
was time to casually look out the window. Below I saw sheets of ice and sea
beneath the clouds. 17 hours of flight and 17 hours of sunlight- we flew right
over the Arctic Circle. “What would it be like to be down there?”, I thought to
myself. The couple stopped fighting and
the woman pushed against me to look out the window. I leaned back for them. The
steward asked me to close the shade. It was time to go back to “Frozen.”
I was relieved when I arrived in Shanghai and departed the plane.
After customs and getting my bags, I walked through a doorway and along a path
surrounded by people holding signs. “Ok, let’s just hope I see Virginia,” I
told myself. (Virginia is the Director of Education at the school and is my
main contact. I found out about the opportunity to teach in Shanghai through
her mother back in Massachusetts. Virginia and I grew up going to the same church
although there were several years between us, and I did not know her at the
time. Her mother had been a constant figure in my life every Sunday. I would
later find out that not only did Virginia and I go to the same school, but that
we even had the same kindergarten teacher. She studied in China, is fluent in
Mandarin, and has lived in the country for the past 10 years.)
Sure enough, I saw Virginia there waiting for me and I knew
that everything would be fine. She pulled out a Starbucks paper bag and handed
me a chicken caesar salad wrap and an apple juice. “Welcome to Shanghai! I
thought you might be hungry,” she said with a smile on her face. I was
incredibly grateful as I took the bag.
As we got into a long line to wait for a taxi, I already
started to notice the stares from people around us. This was only the
beginning.
And this is where I must pause to get some sleep. I think
this is a good place to stop for today.
Until next time,
Liz
“Do that which you fear to do, and the fear will die.”
- Waldo Ralph Emerson
